I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
Thoughts from last night
I used to envy the girls who seemed so utterly in love with their boyfriends. The ones that posted seemingly desperate things on their tumblrs when the relationship [temporarily] ended. Their desperation and ‘passion’ and need for their boyfriend made me wonder what that must feel like. Like I had never experienced a love quite like they had. But I was wrong, their posts about not being able to go on without their love and nothing mattering anymore, that was all a lack of internal strength. Not an out-of-this-world love that seemed so foreign to me. If they believed they couldn’t go on, that wasn’t because it would be the only love they’d ever feel, but because they didn’t believe in their own worth. I truly began to pity them. How awful it must be to have your highest highs and lowest lows controlled by the snap of someone’s fingers. I realized the love I had felt… and lost, wasn’t any less significant. If anything it was something even greater, because I believed in my own worth, my own uniqueness and never doubted the love I received. That kind of love is built on strength and confidence, not desperation and feelings of worthlessness. And someday I will find another love, a better one: one that will last. And it won’t be because I feel like I need someone next to me or because I feel lost without being in love. But because I know what I want from life and the kind of person I could share my life with. Someone that will build me up stronger than I already am, someone that will radiate happiness and warmth in my life.. Someone who shares my strength and confidence, not owns it.
We may live in a generation where its easy to connect and stay in touch with friends, but we are also too easily reminded of people we’d rather forget. There’s a lot of truth to “out of sight, out of mind” but social networking makes it almost impossible to entirely forget about someone. They’ll always pop up somewhere, looking happy as ever, and you’ll still feel that twinge of pain from their betrayal. I sort of hate social networking because of this. I just want to go on living my own life and not be reminded of what’s behind. I have a hard time letting go of feelings forever. I suppose that’s my hamartia.